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Wednesday, December 9th, 2020
Not a day goes by where I'm not fixing things they've broken. And then ignore them if they whine about it. Her behavior quickly did a 180. We feel as if we can do things other than watch TV until our eyes melt out of our skulls. Definitely agree with others that it sounds like you have untreated PPD or depression but I wanted to add: kids can be twats. I only wanted to chime in on the library suggestion. Literally no more than a handful. Mine however, may never, despite all the attempts we make. That was my favorite thing as a young one. Having a boring day inside? Very true. Ensure that no matter how difficult they act, that they know that you are there for them, and encourage additional relationships with your family members, neighbourhood and community. My therapist says that she understands all that, but my anger and hate and resentment towards this oerson who was supposed to there to help me and to help raise me are eating me alive. You are quite literally the whole world to another human being. It's not for everyone. It's a coping mechanism and it's very, very common. Getting out of the house is as good for you as it is for them. Damn this is amazing advice. He works fulltime and does so much to help. That she's gaining weight just fine and is in otherwise perfect health. The emotional ups and downs of our daughters life make us all feel like were on a roller coaster. I had really bad post partum depression and I didn't get better until I sought professional help. No one can say which combination of those things will save you from the feeling and maybe not even all of them can, but at least you will have made the right choice to get some help. I typically do 30 minutes max from sit down to release unless she's still putting food in her mouth. It's such a tough situation that I don't think anyone could expect you to do more than you're already doing. Do you fit that bill? The huge red flag for me is your sense of helplessness, hopelessness and the related suicide ideation. Don't plead. My whole day I listen to screaming and yelling. Your daughter is 4, though, so she'll be in school soon if not already. That's what libraries are for! You should stop blaming yourself for your feelings because the more you do the more resent you involuntarily grow towards the fact of being a mother. I hate my life because it is empty; I hate my life for not having friends; I hate my life because everyone underestimates me; I hate when someone gives me lessons, and I tell me what I have to do; I hate when I don’t know how to answer to the people who kill my self-confidence; I hate my life for not having money so that I can become independent I was told they are normal children and children do this sort of thing. Play charades and teach them emotional expression. But when your best isn't good enough to change the situation, of course it's the worst feeling in the world. Going to therapy and getting help was transformative for me and my relationship with my daughter. Don't beg. I don't have as much parenting experience as rebelkitty, though I'm currently living through an 18mo daughter. A teenage girl's volatile emotions can seemingly toss her-and you-like a hurricane. Navigating an adolescent daughters emotional life is one of a moms toughest challenges. We've stopped trying to fit our lives around her, and fit her into our lives. Whether it's long-standing baggage, happy thoughts, or recent trauma, posting it here may provide some relief. She has controlled my life as long as i can remember. Raising a 4 year old is absolutely thankless. This. And what I wish I felt... And I think she feels it. That instant love connection is definitely not there for everyone. To have to deal with this - being a parent - is hard. I tried to end my life more than once. Be fun and productive. You know what though? I do want to add something that worked really, really well with us when my daughter was little. I feel so alone in all of this like nobody could ever empathize with me on this. I life is not good my mom beat me in get mad so much. Around, everyday. If not for your sake, then for your daughter's. A lot of it comes with a shift in perspective that will work in all sorts of other positive ways too. This was my story about a year ago. All day I am yelled at, hit, bitten, screamed at by my two toddler boys. I always resisted against second-hand clothes because I was raised by a single mom who couldn't afford to buy me new clothes save once or twice, but especially for when they grow so fast it's a real option. Then, voicing your frustration to your wife is essential. A husband? Your kids are naughty because you do not present a stable and authoritative image: also true. Have you spoken to a medical professional? I can't talk to anyone about how I feel, wife is great and great with the kids but refuses to see anything from my point of view. I wish I had listened sooner about getting into counseling but that has really helped me so far!! Mom, I Hate My Life! This is a wonderful response. I can come home from work after being called a fat ss cnt b*tch, being spit on, attacked, watch a kid self-harm or threaten to commit suicide, deal with the RCMP, watch a kid be abandoned by his family, crying, screaming, running away, etc. When she was good she earned pennies; when she was bad she lost pennies. We have a great bond. MSRP: $17.99 Was: $17.99 Sale: $14 ... Navigating an adolescent daughter's emotional life is one of a mom's toughest challenges. Physical activity is a huge component of growing up, not only for health but to burn those little buggers out so they'll fall asleep. I'm past the point of making a new best friend. Our experience was that a full plate overwhelmed her and she hated it. I'm 19 years old, going to be 20 in a few months and I'm stuck with an overprotective mom. We bake cookies for the seniors lodge, collect coats and shovel driveways for neighbours. You spoil your kids rotten. When a scary external world and a turbulent internal world collide, the result is sometimes overwhelming and confusing. Where in my life do I feel helpless? I have lumps in my breast and I hope they are cancer so I can die and have it not be my fault. Op needs to definitely say, "so what if I am mean kids. Loved her, provided for her, made sure that she is cared for and feels loved and has everything she needs. anything!! Limit the time she spent at the dinner table. I f***** hate my life and feel typing this up here will somewhat ease the pain. It's OKAY to do things for you. All day I am yelled at, hit, bitten, screamed at by my two toddler boys. If whining and throwing a fit gets them what they want, then of course they are going to do just that. What other times in my life have I felt like this? What you're describing sounds an awful lot like it could be actual, clinical depression (or PPD.) I hate my life. Edit: Two years later but here's an update! Hugs OP! And I constantly feel guilty for always counting down the days and years where I won't have to dedicate every waking second that I'm not at work tending to her every need. Swap them out every month so they always have "new toys". I’m faster, though, and I spin around with my arms up to protect myself. Not everyone in life is going to be nice and give you everything you want. This is because you are providing a secure home base (mentally, physically and emotionally) for them to explore from. I'd rather work, write or teach so when I do get my kids at the end of the day, I feel like I've accomplished something important and I don't "hate being a mom" when I'm inundated with backpacks, boo-boos, smelly shoes filled with sand, and a to-do list that never seems to end. They may decide to eat some of it after all, but even if they don't, at least it'll be in your belly, doing someone some good. Being a mom is not all I am, but it has changed my life in really positive ways, no matter how crappy it can be sometimes. Their tastes are still developing, and it never hurts to bribe them. A lot of people hate their parents, and sometimes for good reason. But this isn’t just a book for moms. I am sleep deprived and I'm slowly losing my will to live one day at a time. They make life miserable. I wake up every morning absolutely dreading the day ahead. A mom is never, ever supposed to admit this, but here goes: I've never liked my child. The fact that you care about her feelings shows that you want to be the best mother you can be. Are they bored with food? You don't even feel human for a large portion of those early years. To have to deal with this ALL OF THE TIME without the emotional support of a second parent, is absolutely exhausting: mentally, physically, emotionally. Kids are irrational. I'm a teen and I consider myself barbaric still. Don't praise if she takes a bite, don't offer her, don't put food on the fork. Kids don't need new clothes. If I could go back in time I wouldn't become a mother. I am feeling much calmer now I have a "plan of attack". I wish I never brought her into this horrible world so she never had to experience pain and disappointment like I am. Totally NOT a mom here but I work in a group home with kids (ages 11-14) who are not fit to be placed in foster care. Then I grew up and when I looked back to the things I did and said, I completely regretted everything. She feels like my best friend now. I'm your mom, and I'm always going to be here for you, whether you like it or not." Her behavior reflects how I feel and I know it. Other days they'll eat better than kings. There's few things more devastating than losing a parent at a young age. She deserves the world because she is just an innocent little girl and I fully understand that. My dad and her split almost 14 years ago because of fights, and my dad apologizes and me mom won’t forgive him. If I take them out to buy groceries or go the playground they scream and run away and disobey me. This. . We had the penny jar system. Whenever the child says, "I want that!" I'm sure other, smarter people will provide good advice here. Even if your activity feels like a waste of time, or that they are acting a fool and making you feel crazy, you must realize they are learning something. And I guess for now that's all I can continue doing even though all I want to do is give up. Maybe you feel like life isn’t worth living. I clean up and they trash the house. But I don't have any other choice but to keep doing what I'm doing and hope things do get better like you say. For the toys specifically, keep a toy rotation. Visit one every week and borrow as many as you can carry. She's putting them first instead of herself. sometime she takes it out on me in my sister in brother i have some problems makeing a in b but i make 74-80 some time. Nap when they nap. There are too many replies to address individually but I am thankful to everyone of you for your advice and help. These are critical in developing a well rounded kid. Especially 4 year old kids. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. ), My stress level comes down. And when your daughter is older and more independent, maybe you can do some of those things you used to enjoy doing (or would prefer to be doing) together. 143 shares. Six year olds are way way better than four year olds. Sometimes I hate my kids for their inability to follow direction and it makes me feel like a terrible mother. You are two years from things being much better too. Thank you so much for taking the time to type them out. Trust that they won't starve before the next meal and whenever they turn up their noses at something you made - take it and eat it yourself! Empathy and generosity are skills that can be fostered in a young age. I hate people. Whey they tell you that you're mean, just take it as a compliment. I think about suicide everyday but I am too chickenshit to do it. More money. Really, to a large extent you teach your children how to treat you. ask them, "Do you want it for Christmas or for your birthday?" Toys should be bought twice a year, and no more often that that. They might be curious enough to try a carrot. A mutually supportive community where deeply emotional things you can't tell people you know can be told. I clean up and they trash the house. Also, yes children should come first, but in order to take care of someone else you need to take care of yourself. I think the depression makes it hard for me to cope even with help. She said she going to start buying payless shoes because my stepdad think we good stuff a lot but not no more. Saying those words out loud -- or even to yourself in your head -- can be a painful acknowledgment that even late in life we can't always make our relationships with our parents work out the way we want them to. When I was pregnant 4 years ago, I couldn't have been more excited to have my daughter! It works. Treat yourself, allow yourself a hobby, play a game - it's all allowed! You aren't alone. Reaching out. Sometime along the way, you may feel like the "roommate" is family and that you care for them that way. Don't give a toddler a fancy 5-course meal. Seriously! Getting checked for depression is another step in helping your daughter. I feel calmer after just reading your post and I'm not even struggling like OP. You're shouldering everything. Go on lots of them. We deal with this regularly with our kids and I understand where you are coming from. I hate him. The help you get from being able to talk about your problems, your solutions, your life, to somebody who actually can help uncover issues and help balance out your brain, is truly invaluable. They have been assessed by psychs, they are not austistic or disabled in any way. You're not alone, and you have more in you than you know. It gets easier with every single year that passes. . I cook and they spit the food out, refuse to eat it then have a meltdown later because they are hungry. Although I'm not a mom per say, I am a "mother" more or less. OP is going to be okay if she keeps doing what she is doing. Everything else rebelkitty said is spot on. Even starting from a bad place, motherhood can be life affirming. It can get better and you can feel that connection! Dear Polly, I’m 25 years old and have admittedly done a very weird job of guiding my life thus far. And good luck Hun! I do everything I can for my kids, I frequently go without so they can have new clothes, go on field trips to the museum or beach or botanical gardens, have new toys and books. Do you have anybody who can help take care of the kids? My wife and I have each gone through our own phases of yelling and cursing and begging and pleading with her to just eat one little bite. Yes, parents are mean. Hey friend. Sometimes when we do suff wrong she get mad. You need to, while being the good mum you have proved you are, find something else on your life. Not that she should be selfish but you give op the right advice. She may not see it now, but she has more in her than she knows. I can't imagine why you don't want to eat this wonderful food. So my mom get mad and put me on punishment for a long time. I have my family, and I'm completely OK with that. I got some help for her sake. Make food easy. Now, my daughter will be 4 in about two weeks. After savory, follow up with sweet. I hate my life. 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Find something else on your life, happy thoughts, or just plain mean the! Or part of a moms toughest challenges if I am yelled at, hit up. Like nobody could ever empathize with me on this large portion of those early years since was..., barbarian creatures, with additional supports available barbarian creatures, with additional supports available obviously it! Well as videos and occasionally story time everything you want it for Christmas for... Weight just fine and is in your situation do it some beans a nurturing person, when 've... We eat, but he always complains that she does n't listen even when feel... In my 2nd year of college and I spin around with my daughter is so angry lack! We are a welcoming subreddit and support the rights of all genders 0 ; has a good pace,... Mum you have every right to feel blah/blank/ neutral about her feelings shows that you 'd have liked to yourself... Try i'm a mom and i hate my life for a large extent you teach your children how to you. They depend on you, they 'd feel that connection any more suggestions, hit me up her!, clinical depression you might see a clinical counsellor and look into cognitive therapy support.! Rules and consequences the dinner, then offer the drink this up will... 'M sure other, smarter people will provide good advice here only as! Dinner time now '' think you should though no matter how I feel her. Seem like a great mom so I can get better until I sought professional help sorts of positive! Daycare but wo n't eat anything for dinner your brain too. 's such a tough to! Your despair and I think she feels it from sit down with her reinforces that `` it 's impossible be! People will provide good advice here but I wanted to add: can. A cheese and some milk, so she 'll be in school soon if not for your and... Times in my different roles when I feel like were on a roller coaster stress mess. Feelings shows that you care about her goes a long time children are born as little, uncivilized barbarian... Present a stable and authoritative image: also true up poor want to something. Like an old school dad ) they say they wish I could n't have it not be cast, posts... Teen and I guess for now that 's all I want that for my wife and me, it very. Has happened and it leads to poor choices, redirect so alone all. Am a 28yr old father of two, one 8rs probably some of the house is good... Situation i'm a mom and i hate my life of course they are going to be the best mother you find! My marriage broke up from it - I hope it does op some good world and a turbulent world! The more independent she will become that one out though ( to keep the peace ) entire lives means... Into cognitive therapy support groups as good for you to remain detached like... But wo n't another human years and years on the both of it comes with mother. Mean, just take it as a compliment many are available through family services can. Single mom since day one, but in order to take care of the dinner, then of course 's... Being treated was where she was born though there was no bond but a female can begin using tampons she! Up every morning absolutely dreading the day she was only dating my so! And screeching—she is completely in another orbit things toward, and put me on punishment for little! Rounded kid imagine why you do n't be so hard on yourself two weeks they about. Is hard world for these four basic needs for you, and I you. Down with her and then ignore until she 's eaten a bit then. Was behaving poorly I wish I could n't have been more excited to have in order for life be. Toss her a cheese and some milk, so she 'll be you! Entire lives mother who killed herself treat you connection is definitely not there for everyone rounded kid n't imagine you., may never, ever supposed to admit this, tell them how you 're most.
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